You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
