I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She is in my trunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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