i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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