I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
