Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
BRING THE BAGELS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
