My friends, they love my intelligence
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
