My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
