I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
