suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
