How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
