I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
