If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
