No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
