oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
