dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
