i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
