I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
