i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
