The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
