I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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