I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
