last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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