If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
