Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would fuck him just for his dog
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
