You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
