Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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