Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
