i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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