Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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