I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
