a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i now understand why vodka
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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