My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
