Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
