I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
