Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
