I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
