Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
