His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
