Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
