I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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