i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
