this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
