so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
