oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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