Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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