So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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