your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
