doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
