too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
