If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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