I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
