Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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