Do you still have your period?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
PANTIES FOUND
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