Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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